Goose Girl (Twisted Fairy Tales) by Giselle Renarde

Author:Giselle Renarde [Renarde, Giselle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Dawning Bookfair
Published: 2011-05-28T22:00:00+00:00

"If this your mother knew,

Her heart would break in two."

"Oh, mind your own business, you old nag," Svana scolded.

* * *

In the kingdom of Prince Everitt, there were great rejoicings over the arrival of his intended, the lovely Princess Svana. When the princess and her waiting-maid trotted through the gates, the prince sprang forward to meet his bride-to-be. He reached up to support the dark princess dressed in red and gold, attempting to lift the large woman from her horse with heaving effort. How strange. The tabloids reported this princess was a knockout, yet his consort looked quite gargantuan in person. Just goes to show you can't believe everything you read.

Everitt struggled to aid the hefty princess in her descent, but his bride-to-be tumbled from her poor horse's back to land squarely upon him. The great crowd burst with laughter. The future queen was fully on top of him, and despite his struggles and groans, he could not move until the princess rolled off him.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance," the prince said, wincing and holding his arm.

The giant in the red and gold gown gripped him firmly to her side. "Likewise, Princey! I can tell already there's going to be magic between us."

With Rosamunda conducted upstairs, the real princess was left standing below. Knowing not what to do or where to go, she stood in that spot for a day and a half. Fortunately, the old king derived a certain gratification from peeping on the blacksmith as he handled his red-hot poker. Thus, King Dolphus was every so often looking out of the window with binoculars. That's how he noticed Svana standing in the courtyard. Remarking how dainty and delicate she was, he instantly went to the royal apartment and asked the bride about the girl.

"What, that little prossie? I picked her up along the way for companionship. Give the girl something to work at, that she may not stand idle."

But old King Dolphus had no work for her, and knew of none, so he said, "I have a boy called Conrad who tends the geese. I fear he's becoming a tad too friendly with the flock, if you catch my drift. A little prossie may help rid him of this queer affliction."

"Yes, you don't hear of many poultry-sexuals, my liege." Rosamunda snickered. She couldn't have plotted this better herself.

It was decided the true bride had to help Conrad keep his hands and other body parts off the geese. Even this task was not torture enough, in cruel Rosamunda's mind. Soon afterwards the false bride said to the lanky prince, "Dearest husband, I beg you to do me a favor."

"I will do anything most willingly if you'll only agree not to molest me this evening. I fear I shall never recover from our wedding night."

"Agreed," said Rosamunda, tickling her scrawny husband. "I really ought to have stopped after the nineteenth round, but I couldn't resist your little cock-a-doodle-doo. Here's what I'll have you do: send for the knacker, and have him cut off the head of the horse I rode here.

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